2013 was an interesting year. It started out kind of sucking; I had been fired from my position at the Mayo Clinic just 4.5 months before the beginning of 2013. I submitted my resume to a bunch of places but for most I never got a response, for the ones I did get a response I got rejected. I was on unemployment for awhile but with my food addiction I burned through my unemployment, my IRA, my 403B and my savings. Yes, I paid off a couple of debts too and made all my monthly financial commitments. But my debtors were constantly calling.
There were many days I didn’t get out of bed. There were just so many times that I felt so horrible about myself. I spent so much time aimlessly staring at the television screen (even if it was off) and the computer. I felt horrible about myself, perhaps the worst I’ve felt in years.
I joined Overeaters Anonymous for a little bit but found it so depressing so I left. I did realize that I am a food addict. The realization was difficult to come to.
I tried to start a non-profit and organize a race but that effort fell flat on its face.
I left Crossfit for financial and physical reasons. It was the last community I belonged to. Leaving Crossfit meant I wasn’t part of anything anymore.
I tried out for Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition. While I didn’t make it onto the show I found more people who where willing and ready to support me. I really want to than Sherwin Samiengo for making an incredible audition video as well as Carol Post for driving me back and forth to Milwaukee (sorry for snoring, Carol). And a big shout out to Kevin and Jen Carpenter and their kids for allowing me to stay and your place for a couple of nights during the audition.
In June I finally got health insurance again and I set up an appointment with a psychologist at the Mayo Clinic who specializes in treatment of eating disorders. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD. There’s a test we took at every visit (I forget the name) that rates your depression on a scale of 0 to 25(?). For a long time I always scored in the lower 20’s.
The psychiatrist I saw (different than the psychologist) mentioned that he has no idea how I wound up as good as I had. He was thinking I would be a much bigger mess than I am now. He believes I have a strong core. That felt wonderful to hear.
I also started with the Diamond Depression program and started seeing someone at Zumbro Valley Mental Health.
Being put on Prozac helped a lot. While I still get depressed, I don’t spiral into depression anymore. It’s helping me get my legs under me. While there are still a bunch of issues and behaviors I have to work through, I can now actually work on them.
On the other hand I had a pretty sweet Thanksgiving and Christmas thanks to Danielle Teal, Allison Marie and friends. Perhaps the best I ever had. And despite having to work New Years Eve, I did manage to go to my friend Jaymi Wilson’s party. I met some cool people there. My friend Scott Nelson gave me his laptop. And it’s a pretty sweet one at that.
I got accepted into the Minnesota Math Corps. My friends Kelvin Andow, Barry Enquist and Laura Askelin made it possible for me to go by providing rides. They helped to positively change my life.
I had the best birthday of my life. I know this sounds cliché. Unlike previous years I didn’t try to make a big deal out of it. I spent some quality time with some great friends. Thanks, Kerk for putting up with me for hours after the party ended.
I did have to cut ties with some people. It hurt at first. But the longer the time between my decision and today the better I feel about it. Some relationships just aren’t healthy. If this is the case, it’s time to let them go. The core friends I have now I’m the most comfortable with. Jared Post, you are an amazing human.
I found a couple of friends that share my food addiction and totally gets the underlying depression and other issues. That’s been very helpful.
I want to also thank everyone else that offered to help me with something over the past year.
The blog has been dormant for months. But I believe it’s time to bring it back. There’s a story to tell and a journey to watch.
I’ve started working with two great trainers; Jeremy from Jeremy Reid Fitness and Val W. from the Y.
I’ve had some insights and realizations: my physical issues are mainly mechanical ~ I beat this obesity and get fit and there’s no telling what I can do. My blood work is phenomenal. I’m no longer going to be a puppy and follow others around and devalue my own opinions and feelings. I’m not going to worry too much about other people’s opinions. I will listen to what they have to say, but use what I find useful and discard the rest. Yes, there has been a bunch of emotional growth in the past year.
This year I’m going to get better at networking and building relationships. I will do what I believe I am capable of.
I want to make my parents proud. I want to do what I promised for all those who have supported me and still believe in me.
I’m going to forge my own path in life. I’m ready to tackle what I have to do and own it. There is so much to do and I will do it.